Having now edited the second draft of the first script, I think I have drastically improved it. With my first draft I received feedback on it that was constructive and helpful. As advised, looking at other pilot episodes of television shows, a lot tends to happen in them. The problem with my first draft was not a lot happened.
To amend this, I took parts of the second script I had started writing, and incorporated that into my second draft. This introduced the meeting of Evelyn and Edward, Edward catching Evelyn's boyfriend and then proceeding to end with him murdering the boyfriend.
The other problem I had was cutting things either down or out entirely, which I found a struggle, but I believe I achieved this well. I set myself a precedent, that each scene should only be between 2-3 pages in length. This is because some scenes dragged on for as much as 7 pages, with speech and things that weren't entirely relevant. Cutting them down helps keep the scenes fresh and quick but still filled with plenty of impact and drama.
My other problem was making the characters sound unique, as many of them sounded the same. While a couple, I was told, do have a firm character to their movements and speech, others really don't. I do not think I have improved this significantly yet, I still need to work on the speech, and edit it to give the characters some quirk, personality and depth, whilst still maintaining what actually happens within their speech.
There are other points I am sure I can improve on, but I await feedback from my tutor and peers in order to take notes and help myself along.
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